I suppose what I want is to be able to boldly live life.  Now I need to figure out how to do this.  How powerful are thoughts? What would happen if I were to turn my mind down another path, one not so filled with terror?  Would it hurt to try, to let go of the fears that grip my insides like a vise.  Just as an experiment.  Temporary.  I could always go back to torturing myself  if I need to.